25 Reasons Why I Am Still Single (& Probably Will Be for a While)

Photo Credit: niaje.com

I have explained to you guys how utterly awful my love life is. From fuck boys to heartbreak, I’ve dealt with it all ya’ll! But, after my last stint of imprisonm– I mean after my last relationship, I realized that maybe I am single for a reason. As a matter of fact, maybe there are 25 reasons why I just can’t seem to get it together.

  1. I need as much alone time as I need us time. But if your balance isn’t the same of mine, that’s not going to work.
  2. I love beards while simultaneously hating them when they touch me at all.
  3. If you don’t text me back within a reasonable window (that is 60 seconds if you are wondering) then I start to consider all of the foul things you are probably doing instead.
  4. I hate people.
  5. I am emotionally unstable. I mean, aren’t we all?
  6. I can’t deal with your little quirks. I JUST CAN’T DAMMIT!
  7. I am like a camel when it comes to sex; I can go a long ass time without it.
  8. I really don’t feel like compromising most of the time.
  9. Selfishness feels so damn good.
  10. I am a wild sleeper so, unless you want to wake up with a black eye, let’s not.
  11. Keeping score and holding grudges is what I do best.
  12. The fact that you were with other people before me is kind of annoying.
  13. I want to fart without hearing you say ew, but you’re a girl. I GOT GAS TOO!
  14. But, I don’t want to hear your farts though because like ew.
  15. I want to watch what I want to watch when I want to watch it.
  16. I have spent too much of my 20’s watching crime shows so with every move you make, I am calculating 100 possibilities that could result in you killing me for my assumed inheritance (I ain’t got no money though)
  17. I am too career focused and relationships take time.
  18. I want to have sex with different people. Not a bunch but not the same one.
  19. I am a commitmentphobe. It sounds good in my head until I actually do it.
  20. I am stubborn and honestly will do whatever I want in the end.
  21. If we break up, I have to pick up so many pieces of myself.
  22. Having a mate sometimes is like having a child and I don’t want anymore kids.
  23. When I think about long term relationships where I am with the same person day in and day out, my scalp starts to burn or something.
  24. I REALLY love cats.
  25. #24 again.
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