So, your friend of 16 years betrayed you in the worst possible way. You trusted that person with your most painful secrets, you shared some of your happiest moments, and they were practically family. And now this. They’ve hurt you in irrevocable ways.
When a person, be it your friend, relative, or spouse, totally demolishes the basic foundation of any relationship like trust, love, and care, how and why should you even make the attempt to forgive them?
Here’s the thing, I have been hurt by those closest to me more times than I’d like to admit. I stayed angry for seemingly a lifetime. But, when I decided to make the rocky journey towards forgiveness, everything changed. This is why:
When you choose, because it is a choice, to stay angry and hold a grudge, you stunt your own growth. Meanwhile, the person that spat on you is walking around, picking daisies, and enjoying their life while you are harping over something that you can’t change.
When you finally decided to forgive, you will give yourself the freedom to move on from the situation and the person. It will be something that happened in your life that you learned from.
Everyone is always looking for closure and you will never be able to find it when you are pissed off. Closure is not the answer to why. Why your bestie slept with your ex. Why your dad left you when you were young. Why your boyfriend stole from you. There is no answer that will satisfy you enough to provide you the closure you think you need. Only forgiveness will do that.
The best way to learn anything is from experience. But you will never be able to find that lesson when you are constantly placing blame and living in your anger.
Taking back control
This is the most important one. When you hold grudges and remain angry, you allow that person to have control over your emotions, well-being, and quality of life. When you forgive them, you are forgiving them for your own sake, not theirs.
Forgiveness does not mean that you let that person back into your life. They burned the shit out of you, so that is an individual choice totally unrelated. To forgive someone is a self-care act and it is hard but absolutely necessary.