Hey girl. We need to have the talk– again. Yes, I know this seems ridiculous seeing as I’ve pushed a human out of you. Yes, I know you are able to make your own decisions even if they are based on totally fleeting feelings without Heart and Soul taken into consideration. And yes, I do realize we have been down this road before after heartaches, break ups, and that one time in college where things got a bit out of hand.
We’ve been through a lot girl, but just shhhhh and listen to me for a second.
I know how much you enjoy sex, cuddling, and the touch of a man. It feels good, great even (you know who I’m talking about), but I’ve had a chat with Heart and Soul and they– well we’ve decided that it is time to stop and take a several steps back from the pleasures of the flesh (please take note of how serious I am sounding). Now, there is nothing wrong with a no strings attached (or all of the strings included) bedroom rumpus but Heart told me it is having a hard time dealing with the aftermath and Soul told me that it wants to reconnect, recenter. And you know, I just can’t do that while you’re out rolling around with unworthy fuckboys. Here’s the thing, Heart and Soul have been through a lot these last couple of years while you are living it up and enjoying yourself; as you should of course. But, to be fair, I think we, as a unit, should allow them to pull themselves together so we can all have a good time together.
So, what does this mean and how long will this fast continue? F O R E V E R.
Only kidding! Celibacy is simple. We aren’t getting it on anymore and me, you, Heart, and Soul are going to have weekly, maybe even daily, rendezvous. It will involve wine, carbs, Netflix, contemplation, self care, meditation, and maybe even some yoga if we are feeling wild.
All I’m saying, Vagina, is that the next time we roll in the sheets with a TD&H (tall, dark, & handsome), it will be 100% based on our own selfish desires and needs. Heart will be protected, Soul will be ready, and you my sweet Vagina will get all the love and respect you rightfully deserve.
I love you girl. In the mean time, get your kegels on.