Before we even get started, I am going to warn you that this post is going to be honest, open, real, and if that is not your thing, I would exit now. I won’t think any less of you.
If you have been reading my blog for some time or know me personally, you know that I am a 26 year old mother of a 2 year old and I am single (but co-parenting). For some general background, my son’s dad and I are friends and were in a long term relationship that just didn’t work out and we decided to stop seeing each other in that way before our son turned 1. We are young, trying to figure out parenthood, and it was stressful. Excuse me, it IS stressful. Since him and I split, I have pretty much zero interest in jumping into something else. I am laser focused on my mini tyrant and crafting a career for us to enjoy a full and happy life. Introducing a new man into his life is just not in the cards right now. And frankly, I don’t feel like dealing with the woes of dating, does he like me, why hasn’t he called and all of that other bullshit.
But, here’s the thing, I am 26 and while I don’t want to tie myself to anyone right now, I do enjoy the casual male company when my son is spending time with his dad or grandmother. This may mean coffee at Starbucks or it might mean a glass of wine followed by casual sex.
Yes, I said it! It has become so apparent to me that single mothers are not supposed to enjoy casual sex. People either assume I am not sexually active or they ask:
Aren’t you worried about getting pregnant by some random man?
Who said anything about unprotected sex with random men
Aren’t you afraid of diseases?
Again, unprotected sex though
How about heartbreak?
Did I mention giving my heart away and also, isn’t that an all the time risk
What if he is craaaazy?
Do you even know me at all
When my son’s dad and I split, he did not take my vagina and libido with him. Pre mini tyrant, people wouldn’t bat an eye if I mentioned having casual sex with a man. But, suddenly, because I am a mother, that seems outlandish, irresponsible, and risky. News flash! People have safe sex and are just fine! No I am not worried about getting pregnant again because when I got pregnant before, I know just how it happened and it wasn’t failed birth control. No I am not worried about diseases because condoms. No I am not worried about heartbreak because I haven’t given my heart to anyone to break it. And if he is crazy, well hell, I am too so HELLO!
I wrote this post because I want the responsible single mothers out there that are taking great, excellent care of their children to know that you are a woman that has needs and you have every right to fulfill them how you see fit. Don’t let societies standards of motherhood shame you into forced celibacy if that is not what you want. Your vagina is your’s to dole out to whomever you choose. I don’t want to be chained down to anyone today, or tomorrow, or probably for a while but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy casual sex and if you don’t like that or you feel those bubbles of judgement coming up, I really don’t give a shit so.. yeah.