Why mommy wars suck and further separate us and our kids
When it is your turn to have children, 1 or more, you lay down the law on how you want them to be raised.
ONLY organic cotton from the finest cotton mills
and so on…
Once our list is formed, the next item on the agenda is to negatively judge every other mom that decides to parent differently than you. So your cousin just had a baby and decides she is not really into breastfeeding and she would rather skip the pumping and leaky boobs and go right to pre-made formula. As a pro breastfeeder, your radar is buzzing and your accusatory eyes are protruding ready to tell her how she must hate her kid and is the most selfish person you have ever met. Stop! Every mother is entitled to make whatever decision they want for their child as long as it is out of love and good intent. Personally, before having my son, I thought that I would NEVER put him in my bed to sleep, breastfeed, or make his baby food among a ton of other things. Now that I’m actually a mom, I do all of that and wouldn’t have it any other way. With that being said, I am constantly asked why I am still breastfeeding or when will he sleep in his crib full time. When I see a mom shaking up a bottle of formula to give to her little tot while I’m whipping out my boob, I feel like there is a red line of separation that says that I care more about my baby than she does because I am willing to breastfeed which makes it difficult to build that mommy comradery of sleeplessness and stained clothes. One decision is not more superior than another. It is ridiculous to judge a mother that loves her child for the way she chooses to parent. The woman who buys jars of baby food and formula is not somehow inferior to the one that pumps every 2 hrs between blending batches of carrots. I remember when my son was first born and the first couple of months to follow, I would pick him up almost nonstop– every cry, whimper, frown, or smile– I was holding him. I was constantly judged by other moms and people without children saying that I would spoil him and he would never want to be put down. Now, he is a year old and the most fearless and adventurous explorer.
So, here is how we are going to end mommy wars once and for all:
When you see a mother or know of any mommy friends that has a parenting technique that is totally different from what you have decided is right for your family (i.e. choosing to co-sleep vs separate rooms, formula vs breast, disposable vs cloth, etc), talk to them inquisitively and find out how their choice is working for them. Learn a few things that you didn’t know before from an insider. Instead of judging them, learn from them. You may find that the mother that chooses not to co-sleep has a tendency to fall into a deep deep sleep and would rather not risk rolling over on to her baby or that the formula feeding mom was unable to establish breastfeeding or has two or more children and would rather spend her time nurturing them in other ways. Choose to learn rather than judge and mommy wars will be a thing of the past!