6 Reasons Why Your Permed Friends Aren’t Going Natural

And why you should stop trying to convince them!

When I went natural 2.5 yrs ago, I honestly felt like I found the light. I was seriously overjoyed to have such beautiful hair growing out of my head and day dreamed about what was to come. With that came my overly self-righteousness that made me feel as though I had to convert all of the corrupt permed heads that had yet to see the light that saved my curly soul! While this feeling is completely understandable, it is also a perfect setup to get your feelings hurt and your panties all in a bunch. It’s like being smitten by a book, or loving a song and wanting to share it with someone and they simply don’t see what you do. So, before you run out shea butter in one hand and a wide toothed comb in another, check out why your perm friends aren’t going natural and why you should never try to change their mind.

1. They are in denial- [Collective sigh and eye roll from all the permed ladies] Women with perms will never admit that it is bad for their hair and fairly senseless. You, as someone who has experienced both sides, will try to throw in a few facts and figures to add cred to your pitch but it will be useless.

2. They will only remember seeing women with poorly kept natural hair- Just like any other hair type in the world, there is sub group of naturals that simply have no clue or interest in keeping up with their hair. Your permed friend will use this woman as her #1 example for why she doesn’t want to have natural hair. Never mind your luscious curls bouncing up and down right in front of her.

3. It’s only scalp deep to them- To most women with perms, deciding to go natural or not is all about the looks. They will never admit that it goes deeper than appearance or that it is directly related to their skewed idea of beauty. Even though it is crystal clear to you and a few hundred scholars that have studied the idea, your permed friend is really just worried about how her side pony will look– right.

4. They have an arsenal of reasons why not- Most, if not all of it is hogwash but makes them feel better and more confident in their argument. This means for every fact that you have, they will have a rebuttal “fact” of their own until you’re blue in the face and talking in tangles.

5. They truly believe their hair looks better that way- This is a bit harsh but must be said. Women with perms, myself included during my chemical days, believe that their over processed, uniform, limp, lifeless strands match up to thick bountiful curls. Crazy– I know!

6. They are actually scared and fearful- Many women with perms have a crippling fear that their entire lives will be uprooted if they go natural. Their boss won’t have it, all of their friends will call them brilo, and they will become the center of nonstop ridicule. There is no way to provide the level of reassurance that they require unless they are already considering it.

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4 comments

  1. I think those who don’t go natural have more reasons than this– it depends on the person. I am presently transitioning and a few months before I began transitioning, my sister had decided to cut off her relaxed hair and not do extensions anymore. My decision crept up on me for about three years. I didn’t go natural then because 1. I didn’t have the time to figure out and change a regimen 2. I didn’t know how I would live with natural hair (I have big chopped b4, in the 80s, so I knew the stages that where there then. The “in-between” is hard whether your hair is natural or relaxed). 3. My heart wasn’t ready…I had already decided that when I went natural this time it would be for the rest of my life, never to return to “the box”.
    Not to judge my sister, but she did her big chop on a whim and has since texturized her hair– she didn’t know how to deal with her natural hair. And because we live a distance from each other, I can’t spend time with her trading hair products and “doing” her hair in its natural state to get her to a place where she has time and a regimen to live with it. She IS a really busy woman and she hasn’t had the time to watch all the Youtube videos I’ve been fortunate to find and glean information from.
    So take it easy on our non-natural sistahs. Hair is just hair. It’s like eating meat to the Apostles Peter and Paul. It’s good for some, not good for others, but we should show the love and be the love to each other no matter what.

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    • I agree with what you are saying for sure. Going natural is no easy challenge and while it IS for everyone, it isn’t for everyone at the same time. My sister went natural way before I did because I simply was not ready. These are just a few reasons that I hear often of why women are not going natural. I go more in depth about how going natural is not for everyone at the same time here

      Thank you for your opinion! & I wish you luck on your transition. Going natural goes much deeper than hair and the physical appearance. For some, it takes actually doing it to see that. Thanks for reading!

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